The truth is that I am lost. Life without you has been terrifying. There is no codependent relationship anymore. With you, there was a purpose that lived inside. You gave me a purpose; you gave me an excuse.
I don’t feel much without, wish you would’ve erased me. A big part of me forgave you; I don’t think I forgive myself. I felt too much with you now; I feel nothing. Yes, I go through my phases, never look back, though. There is nothing there; there is only here which is now. Won’t be putting this much emotion by saying fuck you this time. This time I will say thank you, thank you for giving me the power to still be here without you this isn’t a breakup; it’s a growth. You will forever be a part of my life.
Usually, I would have shared this news instantly with the world. I walked into the year being five-year cancer-free. I was diagnosed with Central nervous system lymphoma at the age of 25 on this date four years ago. I have been through depression, I have been through my body changing on me, my mental health failing me. Throughout it all, I’ve gained insight also lost vision to what life means to me. I keep pushing through no need to hold on to past faded memories on what is l when life is happening now.
Maybe one day we’ll unearth each other in the stars like when we first met, maybe one day the blast from the past will create our future as the present unveils itself. Maybe one day, that heart will open again. Until then, only can allow this universe to guide us in seeing where the magic is.