Daze and confused

I am hunkering here thinking about words to bring life to this letter.

We are living in a pandemic. People are dying.

Nothing feels like the way things were.

Wait, let me, ooh, never mind, but wait.

I lost focus; don’t we all lose focus.

Nothing is making sense. What does anymore?

Sir, I have a question.

Do you think you can help me?

I seem to be lost.

I wanted to know if you have seen this girl.

I went walking and found that I wasn’t where I thought I was and lost her.

It is starting to rain, sorry to bother you.

Am I dreaming, or is this real?

How have you been?

Tic Tok

I fall short in the process of letting you go, don’t know what I am holding onto anymore. This idea of knowing that you are too far gone leaves me feeling numb. I get called being heavy in expressing my feeling of loving too hard. Everything from within feels like a ticking time bomb, and I am the explosive holding the surface, not knowing what do with what i think. What am I even feeling if most days I feel nothing?

Tears

Lost in the transition, I fell in the hole. Digging, I couldn’t get out; the further I went, the deeper it felt. Losing hope I saw no light, everything was just a big old mess, deeper I look the emptier it felt. Now I have this void, and I am searching for the fulfillment there. It was my reflection from the tears that lead me to where I am now.

PLANTING


Isolated in the mind. Grow the thought. We were leaving behind only the memories. So we went looking to relive a moment and losing the traces of the footsteps that got us to where we are now. So we created different trails with steps that weren’t ours. Leaving us wondering what’s was the whole idea behind leaving in the first place.

chasing

Sometimes life feels fucked.

So I pause.

Pauses need a reset, so now I hit reserve —the tape breaks.

Can’t seem to find the connection to the wifi, so I unplug.

I find the nearest outlet, and I plug in the charger.

My phone is dead, so I sit with my thoughts.

I see a dog run by, so I run after it.

It leads to this place that seems familiar.

There are these walls that are incredibly vivid in color.

I couldn’t see that day. I wake up. Here I am again repeating the same old toxic cycle.

Cancer

The truth is that I am lost. Life without you has been terrifying. There is no codependent relationship anymore. With you, there was a purpose that lived inside. You gave me a purpose; you gave me an excuse.

I don’t feel much without, wish you would’ve erased me. A big part of me forgave you; I don’t think I forgive myself. I felt too much with you now; I feel nothing. Yes, I go through my phases, never look back, though. There is nothing there; there is only here which is now. Won’t be putting this much emotion by saying fuck you this time. This time I will say thank you, thank you for giving me the power to still be here without you this isn’t a breakup; it’s a growth. You will forever be a part of my life.