I fall short in the process of letting you go, don’t know what I am holding onto anymore. This idea of knowing that you are too far gone leaves me feeling numb. I get called being heavy in expressing my feeling of loving too hard. Everything from within feels like a ticking time bomb, and I am the explosive holding the surface, not knowing what do with what i think. What am I even feeling if most days I feel nothing?
Lost in the transition, I fell in the hole. Digging, I couldn’t get out; the further I went, the deeper it felt. Losing hope I saw no light, everything was just a big old mess, deeper I look the emptier it felt. Now I have this void, and I am searching for the fulfillment there. It was my reflection from the tears that lead me to where I am now.
Isolated in the mind. Grow the thought. We were leaving behind only the memories. So we went looking to relive a moment and losing the traces of the footsteps that got us to where we are now. So we created different trails with steps that weren’t ours. Leaving us wondering what’s was the whole idea behind leaving in the first place.
Gripping through the fire the smoke cleared the fog, clearing the vision of the unseen allowing us to breathe the air that once held a toxic fragrance. I said I love you, you looked at me as if I was dead.
The walls seemed tight, so I lean gasping for air I see a bright light. Closing deeper, the smaller I feel. Allowing these thoughts that seem like rapid tides hitting the sand’s surface, I resurface back into the moment being free of any idea, so, until only one day, I drown again.
The truth is that I am lost. Life without you has been terrifying. There is no codependent relationship anymore. With you, there was a purpose that lived inside. You gave me a purpose; you gave me an excuse.
I don’t feel much without, wish you would’ve erased me. A big part of me forgave you; I don’t think I forgive myself. I felt too much with you now; I feel nothing. Yes, I go through my phases, never look back, though. There is nothing there; there is only here which is now. Won’t be putting this much emotion by saying fuck you this time. This time I will say thank you, thank you for giving me the power to still be here without you this isn’t a breakup; it’s a growth. You will forever be a part of my life.