No winning

If I lied I lose myself

If I tell the truth I lose you.

Express lane

Expression : the process of making known one’s thoughts or feelings.

Thoughts : an idea or opinion produced by thinking, or occurring suddenly in the mind.

Suddenly : quickly and unexpectedly

We are not kids anymore. You failed at something in life but failing only made you stronger. Now what ? Where do you stand ? Same spot where this world left you. Keep going we are all on the same road to the final stop. Learn how to read in-between the lines.

Breaking up, moving on

It’s not you that I hold onto. I don’t even miss you. I wrote about you before and felt completely empowered. Been checking up on you every now and then, you still never showed up. I can say that you standing me up has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. At times, I miss you. At times, I ask myself how did you fuck me up so much and just leave. Thinking I was going to be okay, just like that.
The voice you gave me made me feel like a complete idiot around a bunch of people that never understood you. What you are to me is something special, you have a special place in my heart. Even though we are no longer together, I still love you for all the things you taught me. I still fucking hate you for all the deaths you have caused.
People fear you, I did at one point thats why I held you so close. The more I spoke about you, the more I looked like an idiot. People telling me to move past it but little did they know I was trying… I failed. In failing, you are becoming more of a faded memory.
Time heals… others forget you. I only remember you more deeply. With you, life was like me trying to survive. Without you, life is where I am.
You made me lost in the way I think. From time to time, I try and remember how strong I was with you. Without you, I don’t have a excuse to fight.
Fighting with you isn’t a war. Forgetting you wasn’t always easy. You left a toxic taste in my mouth. As years go by, I tell myself that I am better. I am not though. I don’t really care about what I used to care about while I was with you. My parents don’t even care about you anymore. Everyone wants to forget you and tell me to move on. HOW? WHERE? I get that life without you is better.

This time of year gets hard from time to time. You become real and it’s like I can still feel your touch. The cold weather here reminds me of your coldness. I turned cold for a bit. It’s like the more I get ignored, the more I want to remember you. This feeling makes me feel like you are in all when you are nothing more than just something that most fear.

Remember how much you loved me that you almost tried killing me? Those were the days where I was my strongest. You made me lose sight in some ways. You were blinding me just like you were blinded in me. I really hope everyone you meet gives you the same treatment I gave you. Hopefully we’ll never meet again.

FUCK YOU, Thank you Cancer.

Sincerely, Mouhamad Beydoun

Narcissism, Self-centered, Fraud, Fake.

Label me. I don’t really care anymore.

Speak opened minded, self-reflect on your own self. No one can save somebody that doesn’t want to save themselves.

Dear people, I don’t know who this will reach, I hope it reaches somebody that needs it the most.  We are all going through something in Life. I want to first thank the people who believed me in and I let them down.

Deep down somewhere in my heart lays a compassionate soul. There are many different layers under the surface of my being.

I am grateful enough to be where I am now. I have one of the best families in the world and it’s time I start doing for them what they did for me.

Sometimes Parents can be confusing, they don’t listen, they try and discipline you, ten years too late. They always have their best intentions at heart. Somewhere in life, we get hurt mentally, and then we stop growing emotionally.

Hurting doesn’t need to be forever, hurting stop when you figure out that sometimes, we need to self-reflect on what really matters.

Self-reflecting isn’t always blaming yourself, it’s accepting that you are human, it’s telling yourself that nothing in the past will define who you are today.

I try and talk about being yourself, We are all one race at the end of the day separated by religion and dumb politics, we are divided. Seeing end of life makes you not be able to see current life at times.

I am good where I am right now. What I don’t understand is someone who is positive 24/7, find me a person that is happy all year round. I’ll find you a million who aren’t. I give credit to those who mask their pain. Life is all pain. We one day will die, our energy will never die but we will. Masking is like trying to dry a surface with wet paper, it will just make everything messier.

BTW I am not the best writer, I am good at expressing myself. I’ll make it one day.

ps. Introduce yourself, I would love to get to know you guys.

Truth Hurts.

Everyone wants you to be happy.

Once you know something, it’s forever. Can’t take back the words and can’t just forget the truth.

The truth hurts- that’s why no one likes to hear it. Life sometimes can be funny. We have people all over the world trying to figure it out. Some get distracted by the superficial meanings in life, while others feel it so much that they just get lost in their own misery.

I failed in being myself and failed even more so at trying to be someone I am not. When you try and become something you’re not, you’ll get lost and do the unethical things rather than what your core stands for.

We are all humans at the end of the day, we all are one at the end of the night. Everyone has two things in common: Life and Death, the in-between is where we become different.

Life is continuous… God is real and living inside of us. Society- we are becoming slaves to what we see and what we think. I wish I can take my own advice; I just can’t, so I am not expecting you to take my advice either.

I view life as being different… I don’t see cancer as a sickness, rather I view it as a lesson. What was the lesson in going through what I went to through? I don’t think I understood the lesson.

Retell your story until you get it right. Find what you stand for and do it. Forget the bullshit and it’s okay to not want to be in the game to play an unfair game. Become your game. Forget washed up people that try and break you and move past the bullshit. You know you and no one else does.

Double sided conversation.

Knock knock!

Who’s there ?

Me.

Me, who?

It’s me, you. The person that has been with you for the last 27 years of your life. Can you let me in?

No.

What do you mean no?

I said NO!!

Why do you always do this?

Do what?

This.

Can you just leave me alone?

No, I can’t leave you alone. I let you be for a little while and now it’s time to man up and get your shit together.

What do you mean by get my shit together? I have it together.

You do?

Yes.

Can you explain to me how then do you have it together, if all you have been doing for the past three years is just waste our time. I get that people and experiences hurt you but you need to let that shit shape you instead. Let me tell you a story about yourself that no one will understand. You are different. In being different, that means you’re special, not everyone will get you, and not every needs to get you. You have everything and everyone around you to support you. Stop acting like a spoiled little child for once. I get that you went through a lot and I am not just saying that to make you feel better. I experienced it with you. I saw how hard you fought. You took over for a while, and now it’s my turn to take back who I am. There are parts of you love and some parts that are no longer needed. If you can find some moderation in your life, maybe, just maybe you will be okay.

Listen… stop thinking that you won this fight. I did.

We both did.